don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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