How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
