tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
