Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
