You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
