You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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