don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
