There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
