So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
