If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
