I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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