I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
