I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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