Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
