saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
