One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
