Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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