Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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