I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
