There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
