its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
