Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
