I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My balls are so social today.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
