i love accidental penises.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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