if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Acid is not a monday night drug
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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