i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
third nipple confirmed
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
