he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
