This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize