I can tuck mytits in my pants
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
