We named our party play list daddy issues
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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