broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize