I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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