I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I think I am morally bankrupt
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
