she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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