i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
