If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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