its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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