just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
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There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
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Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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