he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Can vaginas get frostbite?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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