Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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