your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so explain again why im purple
no
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
