and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
