my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
