My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
