I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
