Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
