I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
