What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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