It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize