the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
