Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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