Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
