K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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