We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
