Yo dont text me then not text me
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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