This is not my ceiling
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in