Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
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You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
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I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.