I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?