i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT