Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell