Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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