i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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