Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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