Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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