yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
