and you said cock pushups were impossible
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
