His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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